The Bitter Bus|Stop 1

You get a temporary pass on the Bitter Bus when you are going through grief.

Have you ever taken a ride on the Bitter Bus?

Let me share my Bitter Bus journey #1.

It was August of this year ‘22. I was getting ready to marry my amazing husband Alex and I had waited a lonnnnnng time to get to this major mile stone at the age of 41 (on my birthday). The months and weeks leading up to our wedding day August 19th, many people would ask “Are you getting excited for the big day?!” I mean it’s the question everyone ask’s. But for me it was an overwhelming question and I often verbally vomited with this, “Well, I mean yes but I really haven’t been able to think about it because my dad is dying so….”. People’s faces would just go blank. And then the guilt and shame would set in my mind.

I started thinking, God I probably sound super ungrateful. But it was the truth.

There’s more….

The day of the wedding, everything went perfect and my dad had enough strength to walk me down the aisle with his walker. It was a blessing but then he went home right after the ceremony. It would have been too much for him to go to even the small dinner we had.

Then people asked how the Big day went. And again, I shared how everything went perfect and I was super grateful my dad could walk me down the aisle but I felt we (meaning me, my mom, brother and sister) couldn’t really enjoy it without him there. My dad was still dying, how could I fully celebrate? Then more guilt came as people would say, “Well at least he got to walk you down the aisle.”
I felt like again I should have been more positive or grateful for that moment.

It’s exhausting to feel like you have to justify yourself when you are already exhausted from feeling everything that comes up when someone so close is dying.

Being a person who is very secure in themselves and does life on her terms, it was interesting that I was feeling guilt and that I wanted to justify my feelings.

I didn’t owe anyone any explanation but I felt like I did.

The journey continues to unfold of my Grief Educator Certificate Program.

If you are interested in working with me, email me SUBJECT LINE “Grief”: theresa@stateofgracellc.com

I see you,

I hear you,

I love you,